I'm driving around Salt Lake City in a big ass truck with 'Little Frankenstein' strapped to the back, trying to find my way to Saltair. I'm unaware of the stares till I hear a car screeching. This dame in a minivan (with her man and 5 kids - your standard mormon family) almost plows into a gas truck because she's rubbernecking my way. Soon enough I notice a few others doing the same. Then it hits me: "We're not in Gomorrah anymore, Toto". I'm in awe at how easy it is to shock these fundamentalists. I'm at a stoplight and all around me people are staring with their mouths wide open, the look of complete bewilderment on their pasty faces, even a copper gets in on the judgement action. He pulls beside me, shaking his head trying to stare me down, that's when I start to feel this insane urge in my gut to cry up a laughing storm. It takes over and I lose it. Copper gets behind me and starts following. I see his little pink face through the rear view mirror as he's on his radio being all dramatic - hands flaying, banging the steering wheel, spit flowing as he yells at some invisible nightmare. He's really working up a hissy fit back there. That makes me laugh even harder. I'm cackling at this point, tears running down my face, spraying my specs, my ribs stabbing at my sides. As I'm thinking about pulling over, the copper overtakes me on the left and speeds off. I bet he was pleading to get the ok to take me out to some cornfield and put a few rounds in the back of my rat bastard head, all in the name of Jesus of course. I control myself enough to pull into a church parking lot (how perfect). I get out and yuck it up as loud and hard as I can. There's these two little dollies riding their pink bikes on the lot, they start laughing too. They ride up and ask me what's so funny mister. I tell them 'life is sweethearts - don't ever forget it', they look at me like I've got cooties on my forehead. Aside from the artwork I'll end up making due to this trip, this laugh riot will be the only other reason why I was glad I came out to god's country. It reassured me that I'm still on the right path.
And now, without further adue. Ladies and Gents - let me introduce you to the star of the Utah Follies: Little Franky 'The Hellspawn' Wheelchair (sexy drooling gimp not included):